Skip to main content

Mansplaining...What the Heck??

 

Yep, I said it, “we guys have to get a handle on the one thing we are good at and that is “mansplaining”. What is mansplaining one may ask? Well, as my wife defines it, “the process by which a male attempts to explain what a woman is trying to say to someone else” or literally a total communication failure. That’s “mansplaining” and it goes to show that the reason men grunt and point, is because of this very unique inability to verbally express others thoughts and opinions and sometimes not even their own.

The mere reasons men don’t understand how women think and speak is because we were made to think without a mental pause button. That’s right, unlike our DVR gadget that allows to pause a show so we can get a sandwich or visit the library for a bit,  we do not have the same benefit as we listen to our wives or girlfriends to be able to pause them for a second. A button that would enable us to take information, process correctly, and then disseminate appropriately, and then hit play. Oh no no no, this would have been too much for a man as it takes too long to wait for all the words, and, had we been able to pause between sentences, we wouldn’t be so apt to crash and burn when we are “mansplaining” to a bud. This is why we finish stories we are being told and fast forward to the end making up our own endings. Does this sound familiar? Of course it does! Men do this all the time all the while believing that we are operating at maximum capacity. All of this because we are “mansplainers” and we “mansplain” well.

Here's the deal, it is widely known and possibly accepted that men over talk ladies because of the natural tendency to fix or correct a situation. If they listen to the whole story, you can bet money they are mentally formulating a solution to a perceived problem. It’s what we do! What we don’t realize very well is the fact that when spoken to by our wives or girlfriends, we skip right over the natural intent of them sharing to determine and achieve connection. That’s called being in a relationship. On a recent fishing trip one of our reels was not functioning properly and the two guys I was with quickly started to offer thoughts on why it didn’t work and what to do about it. That’s a good thing except there were three differing solutions. So now what? By logical progression, we try the first and if it doesn’t work we move on to the next option. Sounds easy right? Well yes in this case, but attempting to fix a fishing reel is no where close to fixing a relationship. That’s why we are always on the chopping block because of vision. Seriously…I mean men don’t have the upfront vision that once they approach their wives or girlfriends with the same process as fixing a fishing reel, well you see how that doesn’t float very well?

My challenge to myself and my buds is this…let’s try to remember that when we are being spoken to by anyone, try to maintain a true focal point of listening. Acknowledge that we are hearing them 100%, and not offer any solutions unless we are asked to. Sound good? I can assure you, that it won’t be easy, and it will cost something. However, if we are willing to give our “mansplaining” an upgrade, we can connect in new ways with our gals. Just like at the beginning of every episode of Star Trek, we can follow that lead:

 Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise(me and you).  Its five year mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations.

To boldly go where no man has gone before!


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Life, Wife, & Strife - Part One

  To change the topic content is healthy every now and again so this episode will be about relationship, but not just any relationship, but a very particular one. I’m speaking about your wife, if you have one, but if you don’t keep reading so you can learn about being “the one” your future wife is looking for. In meeting with men for a couple of decades now, one of the most frequently discussed topics has typically been a consistent struggle in how couples communicate. When this is not healthy, arguments are soon to follow. Why is there so much lacking in a couple’s ability to talk with one another instead of talking at one another?   We could say it is because of misunderstandings, wrong words being spoken, even a tone taken during this interaction. Honestly, these things for sure are culprits, but along with other factors, communication skills between spouses are hampered more than one realizes. Let me say this as well, there isn’t any one perfect couple that doesn’t mess up occa

The Strength of Vulnerability

  I have had, and still have, the pleasure and honor to lead and mentor quite a few men in my lifetime. There’s something to be said about the bond between these men and myself that I pray carries them long after I am gone and just a memory. I was taught early that the strength of a man is strongest when he is vulnerable. I did say vulnerable. That word that carries so much distaste for men who walk around defeated because in their minds it means having to share their feelings, being really touchy feely, and perhaps worst of all, having to hug longer than the cultural prescription of three pats on the back and you’re done. If it is anything, it certainly is not any of what I just named. A few of the men say they’re just not wired for it since young and were taught by their dad what it meant to be a man. In addition, it is absolutely not in their character or personality. Well of course neither of these is true as we are taught that God made us in His image, that means His attribute

Color My World

  Not that I’m being nosey, well, maybe sometimes I am, but I am absolutely mesmerized by listening to people as they talk with one another or to me. Obviously, it’s impossible for me to ascertain what is occurring in their minds, so I’m left to formulate that whatever is in their minds at that moment, is what may guide or steer that particular conversation. Something I’ve learned in my years of counseling and being a mentor, is that I must be very intentional when talking to someone, that I listen to what is being said, and just as important, to what is not being said. Active listening some folks may call it, but it’s the keen ability to listen deeply to someone and not just hear them. At times Active listening requires utilizing many of the other human senses to learn more about them. Like the cologne they have on, are they right or left handed, what are some repetitive words and phrases they use, and of course, asking the right questions. All this information goes a long way into un