The Tin Man Saga

  Not that I’m being nosey, well, maybe sometimes I am, but I am absolutely mesmerized by listening to people as they talk with one another or to me. Obviously, it’s impossible for me to ascertain what is occurring in their minds, so I’m left to formulate that whatever is in their minds at that moment, is what may guide or steer that particular conversation. Something I’ve learned in my years of counseling and being a mentor, is that I must be very intentional when talking to someone, that I listen to what is being said, and just as important, to what is not being said. Active listening some folks may call it, but it’s the keen ability to listen deeply to someone and not just hear them. At times Active listening requires utilizing many of the other human senses to learn more about them. Like the cologne they have on, are they right or left handed, what are some repetitive words and phrases they use, and of course, asking the right questions. All this information goes a long way into un

  I have had, and still have, the pleasure and honor to lead and mentor quite a few men in my lifetime. There’s something to be said about the bond between these men and myself that I pray carries them long after I am gone and just a memory. I was taught early that the strength of a man is strongest when he is vulnerable. I did say vulnerable. That word that carries so much distaste for men who walk around defeated because in their minds it means having to share their feelings, being really touchy feely, and perhaps worst of all, having to hug longer than the cultural prescription of three pats on the back and you’re done. If it is anything, it certainly is not any of what I just named. A few of the men say they’re just not wired for it since young and were taught by their dad what it meant to be a man. In addition, it is absolutely not in their character or personality. Well of course neither of these is true as we are taught that God made us in His image, that means His attribute

  8:30 am and here I wait at a local coffee shop waiting for an old friend and fellow men’s instructor so that we can catch up and enjoy the fellowship. Even though we are now attending different men’s groups and haven’t spoken to each other except over a text here and there, when he gets here it’s like we were never apart and just picked up where we left off. We caught up initially on mutual friends, fortunes, and a few failures. Ultimately, we wound up discussing our current groups, the studies, and the mentorship aspect we’ve adapted and dole out taking the conversation into the good and bad choices we as guys make throughout the day. Afterall, each of our lives are made up of choices we’ve made over the years.                                                                                                  We agree that life a matter of choices. We make choices every day at most every step and turn we take. From the time we open our eyes to a new day to the time we close our eyes

  First off, I do apologize for being very late with my next blog episode. Simply put, it just kept getting pushed further down in order of priorities, but I did promise certain people that I would be consistent on my episodes so after some serious conviction, I’m on it. So what’s the deal with us not meeting our commitments or promises? I’ve been thinking about it and thought I would bring it up here because in many ways, it seems that we have put aside how important our word can be. I am noticing more often than not, that it is a growing problem in society. I hadn’t really paid attention to it until recently when I was to meet someone for a BBQ lunch but wound up eating alone. As I sat there, I began to work through some thoughts that enabled me to begin remembering how many times people are late or no shows, which led to other things that seem to be in a pattern of lateness. Restaurant food, flights, meetings at work, weddings, yes and even church service that goes on and on. Thes

I am reminded all too frequently about the bad in the world by the never-ending issues that people face, many of which are displayed on social media, network television and the local radio stations. It’s all around and there is absolutely no way any of this can be avoided. This has been a topic of discussion by many people, groups, and even within many organizations and yet, no one seems to have the answer as to why this is. In my small but intimate men’s group, this has also invaded our peace and comfort by raising its evil head by something that has happened to one of us, all of us, or to someone we know. Maybe it’s just a news story we come across somewhere and we discuss it during our time together.   All around the world, bad things happen to good people…and then seemingly, life goes on. Let me just say at the onset of this blog, I don’t have the answer to this either, but I do love to dig deep into the occurrence and at the very least try to understand as much reasoning as possib

 Sitting in a coffee shop waiting for my friend to show up so we can catch up from a seemingly long and unwanted hiatus, I look up as more and more people walk in together with someone and my curious nature kicks in which allows me to wonder if they are friends or spouses or perhaps they’re just meeting to discuss some business. The truth is that because I get to overhear some of their conversation it provides clues so I can ascertain the relationship. It’s kind of like a game to me and sometimes I do guess correctly but sometimes I don’t…oh, sometimes I am way wrong! Being a fan of old fashioned friendship, it stirs me up to see people laughing, talking, and enjoying one another in what seems to be close sincere relationships and my heart is warmed for the moment. I love hearing people act on their friendships in the ways that only they know the deeper meanings both the giver and receiver. Yes, call me old fashion but this is true friendship the way it is supposed to be. With this b

  Trust…what a word! A word that I would define as believing in someone that has honor, is courageous, respectful, and with much integrity. And yet, it seems to be noticeably absent today. Maybe even becoming extinct like the dinosaurs of a world long ago. Trust is, in my opinion, definitely absent from our government, our schools, communities, and yes, even our own families and social circles. There appears to be a tamping down of trust almost to the point of losing it altogether…in our world, but mostly in ourselves. Trust seems to be replaced by the suitable colors of personal likes and dislikes. Forsaking trust for empty words, for the pleasure of us and what we desire ourselves to be. But make no mistake about it, when we say something, but it never seems to be fulfilled, it turns out like the old American Indian saying, “You speak with forked tongue”. They had every reason to say this since they were promised much but delivered so much less.      Let me ask this, “are we trustw

  When you see me smiling and it appears that all is great, ask if it really is. When you see me walking alone, ask if you can walk with me. When you see me crying ask if you can cry with me. Why do you have to visibly see me to ask a question? What you cannot see is that I’m dying on the inside but not on the outside. What you cannot see is that I am moments away from the next life. Oh, but what if you could just really see me?       Unknown   My heart breaks when I hear someone’s story of crying out in hurt and pain but never really saying anything to anyone. I wonder…why? Why didn’t this person say something to someone that maybe could have helped. Why didn’t they step up and say they are in need and at that very moment my spirit quickens me asking why am I just blaming the person needing help? Why do I place all responsibility on the one person so emotionally weak that they cannot possibly know what to do?   I feel like a terrible person, like a person without a c

    “Most men run away from the fight because they don’t want to answer the inevitable question…Am I one of the weak ones or am I one of the strong?”...unknown   Growing up in a small country town outside the Houston area I met many boys that would go to school along with me. I learned early on that boys come in all shapes and sizes. Not necessarily in physical appearance but in likes and dislikes, tough as nails and some as strong as flower petals, but there was one thing that we all knew inside…country boys never back down from a fight. It didn’t matter if we were getting an outstanding butt whooping, you never gave in and you never quit.   In reading the quote above, it reminded me about my growing up years and what I had learned that would carry me through life. Fighting, come to find out, used to be a normal part of a man’s development, expected I guess one could say, and it was there to create or enrich inner strength. But since the days of my youth, this expectation has

  That Masked Man As my mentee group of young men finished up the other night and after they had all left, I sat alone on the patio just contemplating the evening’s discussions and singular topics of conversation. As I thought about the laughter and playful jokes cast upon each other, I realized something. There are times when the guys speak a lot and then there are times when even though they don’t speak a lot, what they do say is full of information. Many camouflaged hints, and innuendos that if I didn’t believe and practice in listening to what wasn’t said, I feel I would have missed so much insight into their emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Words matter and it is critically important when speaking with men to listen to and read between the lines. As personal stories go, without someone listening to them, their story would just move on without anyone giving it a second thought to hear the words which may indicate the “why” they were said to begin with. It would have been my mis

  Our Life In Pieces   I’ve spoken to this topic before but I came across something that made me want to remind you of who you are. I came across an article this morning and it caught my attention because it is about an area of life that I have deep interest in. So, I would like to start with this quote from the book by Jack Myers, The Future of Men. He states, “Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are tapping into what I’m calling a “Lean Out” generation of young, discouraged and angry men—men who are feeling abandoned by the thousands of years of history that defined what it meant to be a real man: to be strong; to be a provider; to be in authority; to be the ultimate decision maker; and to be economically, educationally, physically and politically dominant…”. In my efforts of working with men, it dawned on me some years ago that this is relatively true. Within the young men I speak to that come for advice or ask about meeting for coffee, the one trending facet of a conversation is th

  The Hiccuperuptions   Guys, have you heard of or has someone ever asked you if you’ve had the “hiccuperuptions” lately??   If so, what or how do you normally respond? Is it the old stand there motionless with question marks appearing in your cornea? Or do you actually say something? Regardless of your reaction, eventually you ask that question that sums everything up, ”the what?? What the heck is that??” Here’s where you receive the answer but almost immediately you think, “seriously? You disturbed my valuable time only to give me this silly answer? What a waste of my time”. But afterwhile, and although you thought the answer was silly, there was something about the explanation that later got you to thinking about it and maybe even got you to realize a little more about yourself. Something you really hadn’t noticed or ever thought about since it’s never been on your radar. Maybe it even made you curious enough to wonder if its’s only something you do, or do other guys do the sam