Skip to main content

To Choose or Not To Choose...


8:30 am and here I wait at a local coffee shop waiting for an old friend and fellow men’s instructor so that we can catch up and enjoy the fellowship. Even though we are now attending different men’s groups and haven’t spoken to each other except over a text here and there, when he gets here it’s like we were never apart and just picked up where we left off. We caught up initially on mutual friends, fortunes, and a few failures. Ultimately, we wound up discussing our current groups, the studies, and the mentorship aspect we’ve adapted and dole out taking the conversation into the good and bad choices we as guys make throughout the day. Afterall, each of our lives are made up of choices we’ve made over the years.                                                                              

We agree that life a matter of choices. We make choices every day at most every step and turn we take. From the time we open our eyes to a new day to the time we close our eyes to end that same day. Some choices are so routine that we can make them without even thinking about it, while other choices, take processing time and consideration to make sure we make an intelligent and educated choice. Although decisions we make may not be that hard sometimes, I believe that when our emotions get caught up in the choices we must make, it’s more difficult because as men, we aren’t necessarily fond of displaying our emotions especially when it comes to deeper feelings. We shy away and maybe prefer not to make the choice or perhaps delay the choice. Why? Because we want to consider the options so that we can logically place them in a comfort box where it is much easier for us, since we all have some sort of comfort box. Decision-making may not always be tough, but the circumstances, or the people associated with those choices, make it hard because of the emotions involved around those choices.

What’s the point?  I’ve found that assertive people often make difficult decisions during the worst of times and people that decide not to make a choice, get stuck along the way. This is part of the reason some people are successful while others are not. The deal is that choices come our way daily, easy ones and hard ones, they keep coming and as men, we need to be able to take them on and make the choices that move us forward. Certainly not backward. There’s not much difference between men who are assertive in their choices and men who postpone or are slow to choose, but there is one distinguishable mental strength between the two and that is an internal risk factor that doesn’t permit them to make a choice based on their emotions or feelings. Instead, they are calculating, process oriented, and once all known factors are considered, they make the choice. Come what may, they make a choice. Even not choosing is a “choice”.

I believe we all understand there is a variety of circumstances we face daily, maybe even moment by moment, but there is no getting around the fact that we have to make choices. From medical decisions to which restaurant we want to eat in, these require choices. Honestly, when you think about some of these choices, we just go with what we are feeling at those moments. For example, what do I feel like eating, and based on that, you choose the diner. When the decision is harder like a medical procedure we must endure, we compile all the data and facts we can to help make that decision but in the end we choose something. In essence I’m just saying that we cannot escape choices.

So when you are faced with something to select, consider many things that are important to you. How does the decision affect you, your family, and is it something that can be moved down the road to have time to process for a period or does it require immediate action? I guess when we bring it down to a simple level, we want to think before we speak. If you have time, of course, but if it needs a right now answer, choose as best as you can given what you have. These are the things we later call experiences which contribute to maturity in choosing.


Popular posts from this blog

Life, Wife, & Strife - Part One

  To change the topic content is healthy every now and again so this episode will be about relationship, but not just any relationship, but a very particular one. I’m speaking about your wife, if you have one, but if you don’t keep reading so you can learn about being “the one” your future wife is looking for. In meeting with men for a couple of decades now, one of the most frequently discussed topics has typically been a consistent struggle in how couples communicate. When this is not healthy, arguments are soon to follow. Why is there so much lacking in a couple’s ability to talk with one another instead of talking at one another?   We could say it is because of misunderstandings, wrong words being spoken, even a tone taken during this interaction. Honestly, these things for sure are culprits, but along with other factors, communication skills between spouses are hampered more than one realizes. Let me say this as well, there isn’t any one perfect couple that doesn’t mess up occa

The Strength of Vulnerability

  I have had, and still have, the pleasure and honor to lead and mentor quite a few men in my lifetime. There’s something to be said about the bond between these men and myself that I pray carries them long after I am gone and just a memory. I was taught early that the strength of a man is strongest when he is vulnerable. I did say vulnerable. That word that carries so much distaste for men who walk around defeated because in their minds it means having to share their feelings, being really touchy feely, and perhaps worst of all, having to hug longer than the cultural prescription of three pats on the back and you’re done. If it is anything, it certainly is not any of what I just named. A few of the men say they’re just not wired for it since young and were taught by their dad what it meant to be a man. In addition, it is absolutely not in their character or personality. Well of course neither of these is true as we are taught that God made us in His image, that means His attribute

Color My World

  Not that I’m being nosey, well, maybe sometimes I am, but I am absolutely mesmerized by listening to people as they talk with one another or to me. Obviously, it’s impossible for me to ascertain what is occurring in their minds, so I’m left to formulate that whatever is in their minds at that moment, is what may guide or steer that particular conversation. Something I’ve learned in my years of counseling and being a mentor, is that I must be very intentional when talking to someone, that I listen to what is being said, and just as important, to what is not being said. Active listening some folks may call it, but it’s the keen ability to listen deeply to someone and not just hear them. At times Active listening requires utilizing many of the other human senses to learn more about them. Like the cologne they have on, are they right or left handed, what are some repetitive words and phrases they use, and of course, asking the right questions. All this information goes a long way into un