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Life, Wife, & Strife - Part One

 To change the topic content is healthy every now and again so this episode will be about relationship, but not just any relationship, but a very particular one. I’m speaking about your wife, if you have one, but if you don’t keep reading so you can learn about being “the one” your future wife is looking for.

In meeting with men for a couple of decades now, one of the most frequently discussed topics has typically been a consistent struggle in how couples communicate. When this is not healthy, arguments are soon to follow. Why is there so much lacking in a couple’s ability to talk with one another instead of talking at one another?  We could say it is because of misunderstandings, wrong words being spoken, even a tone taken during this interaction. Honestly, these things for sure are culprits, but along with other factors, communication skills between spouses are hampered more than one realizes. Let me say this as well, there isn’t any one perfect couple that doesn’t mess up occasionally but there is a lot that you, as a husband, can do to reduce the tension in the air. If you are single, take heed, learning these before you get married will serve you well after. As the title states

Life, Wife, and Strife, indicates an acceptance of a general belief that when a guy marries, he can expect his life to change dramatically. The intimacy of being married is a great benefit of course, but allow me to quote Dr. Kevin Lehman, “Sex begins in the kitchen”. He is stating that in order for the bedroom to be great, the rest of the house has to be great. Married life begins the moment of waking up with every word, thought, and action until bedtime. The quote presents the thought that if we are to have authentic and passionate intimacy, the foreplay must begin when our feet hit the floor in the morning. I know there’s a lot that goes into that, but the focus is intentionally attempting to treat our wife as being THE most important thing in our life. I’ll be married 50 years this next year and I am not going to tell you that it is easy. We argued, we struggled, we even considered going our own ways at one point, well I did, she never did, but thank God that thought was fleeting and gone before it could take root. Single men, this one action is the most important one that you can do for your future wife. When she feels like the queen that she is, she has no reason to look elsewhere. Ok, so let’s get into ways and means to avoid disasters in your current, and for some, in your future marriage. 

So, what can a man do to become a beloved husband? I am going to talk along the lines of a quote I read the other day, “express your love for your wife without speaking any words”. There was no author listed, but this quote, is the crux of what love looks like in a healthy marriage. One of the deepest desires in a woman’s heart is to know, feel, and see that their marriage is secure. That when troubles come, and they will, she knows you will not walk out the door, that you are in the mix with her regardless of how hard the fight is and that you will not quit. In other words, that you meant all the words spoken in your marriage vows. It is because of this that that she will love you without condition, because you have displayed that kind of love to her from the get-go. Here are a few suggestions that when done often, will capture her heart and of course, add many tokens to your love bank.     

  Study Your Wife 


I believe first and foremost, a man should study his wife or girlfriend during any time together, if you’re married, while at home in daily exchanges. Know this, women desire to know that her man values her enough to be authentic and honest. In all things, that she knows she doesn’t have to guess what your reaction may be. These things along with being intimate with her about your feelings, fears, and your faith will display to her your true character. That you take the time to peel the onion layers back in her life to know her, value who she is, and get to know her on many levels. That you know there is strength in being together as you do life together. Studying your wife will be a lifelong endeavor that will richly pay dividends. As you study her more you learn to understand her more. Especially to appreciate her perspective. Truth be told she isn’t looking to change you but looking for you to understand her and her position. The interaction between the two of you will either become exciting and prosperous or it will raise a white flag of surrender to the enemy of heart. The only way you’ll be able to do this is to ask her about her. Walk into her world and learn it, build on it, and be a part of it. Display to her by your actions that she is interesting even when the topic of conversation is not. Speak words that encourage, words that draw her out, words that join your hearts together into one and yet understand that you’re still two different people.  

 Romance Your Wife

Most men are shy about displaying PDAs in public and if you’re not, good for you. If you are, learn to overcome whatever fear or embarrassment you have about it. After all, she is now studying you. Its not like you’re groping at her, like I was accused of many times early in our marriage, but it is displaying how much in love you are with her and that you are not afraid to show the world. Learn her, her likes and dislikes, learn the secret of whispering in her ear precious and passionate words. Secretly lean in and kiss her lightly only enough to extend an invitation. She will smile and get goosebumps when you do this. You are now in her world of romance, the one we men are not accustomed to. Soft gestures are best. A light touch on her shoulder, her hand/arm, a smile that makes her realize that there’s more to come. You are just getting started on today’s journey of how to love her. One more thing to show her value, be intentional about dating your wife. Make sure you schedule the next date night before this one ends.


I have given you two very important things to lift off your marriage to health and wellness. I challenge you to practice these two as often as you can. At first it will be somewhat awkward, but only because it not part of what you do daily. Practice makes perfect they say. Next episode of The Tin Man will give some more very thought out and practiced traits that have proven successful and when applied, you will become your wife’s Knight in Shining Armor and although your armor may have a few chinks, she will be blinded by the shine of the new you.


               Stay tuned for the next episode coming your way in a couple of weeks.


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