Last time I left you with a challenge to do two very important things that would help your marriage or relationship get to a higher level of health and wellness. One challenge was to study your wife and the other, to romance your wife. If you intentionally worked on these two things you are well on your way to the best time of your life with your spouse or girlfriend. This time around I will provide you with two more challenges that will solidify the four quandrants of what women want from their hero.
There are some areas of relationships that are crucial to have and with intentionality, you can provide vitality to it. Of course, there may be a few differences between the ladies but for the most part, if you fill in the blanks in these areas, you are gonna hit it out of the ballpark. For example, the challenge of studying your wife, when done correctly, will shape the area of "Connection" for you both. When you are in healthy connection, there is an incredible sense of togetherness and a powerful heartfelt sense of walking through anything that comes your way together, unified, and with an unbreakable bond. Most ladies want to connect with their husbands or boyfriends in many ways. When you offer a listening ear like when she shares her ideas or thoughts you validate her. You show her empathy when you share similar feelings, and on the occasion where you actually understand how she operates, you know you have made a healthy connection with her.
Of course romancing your wife speaks for itself. Or does it? For whatever crazy idea people generally associate romance with sex. Yep, with sex! It seems that sex supersedes real intimacy which goes way deeper than anyone can imagine. Truth be told, when the mind is governed, or better said, directed by the mind and its sexual tendencies, it could actually lead to building a wall against intimacy. Intimacy, in its foundational makeup, is the ability to be open, honest, and authentic with someone. It is being vulnerable, meaning there is not anything in your past, present, or future that you will not share with someone. So, essentially when you open up to your special person, you are meeting the vital portion in the area of relationship building which is intimacy in the emotional, spiritual, and of course physical, just by sharing your life, thoughts, and your dreams honestly and without hesitation.
So now we come to the last two attributes when done correctly and consistently will provide an incredible bond and love in its truest sense for you. Also, let me remind you again that you and I will never be perfect at this and there will be times when we slip and want to do our own thing or what feels good and right at the moment. This is the time when men step up and apologize, ask for forgiveness and then continue with the good life. This is a story all to its own but trust me, a loving wife or girlfriend knows and accepts you as an imperfect person because they understand that they are not perfect either.
I’m pretty sure that most, if not all women, wives or not, enjoy sitting and chatting with their partner to catch up. Whether it’s an issue that needs resolving or just over a cup of java dreaming about their future. Wouldn’t it be nice to know that no matter what the content was, the conversation would not erupt into angry outbursts or snide remarks against each other? Afterall, you’re both adults and should behave as such, or are you like kids that go into an argument with an "it’s my way or the highway" position? I think you’ll agree that any discussion that is that peaceful would be one that you look forward to. Look, your wife loves and maybe even craves your attention when it’s healthy and honoring. When it’s not, she doesn’t want to go through it either. So, what do you have to do to change the way you speak with her wife? This area falls into the respect of her as a person and much more as a person that you love. When she feels the value you place on her in your conversations with her, her heart melts not for the actual words but how those words make her feel. When you truly love someone they can feel it in how you display your words and actions to her and for her. Again, in the years of working with couples, I know she wants to feel valued. She is relationally energized when she feels that she is at the very top of your wishes and desires. There are many things you can do to make this happen. Think about the strength you have when you lead off with loving words and gestures. The words you choose to speak can determine how they are received. I remember a quote that said, “choose your words wisely because you may have to eat them soon.” Trust me, I learned the hard way that sweet words taste better than sour ones. I know that a lot of you used to do this while you were dating so what changed? When did you slide off into a habit of taking the shortest route to the point where you may not even notice anymore? Thank goodness this is just a bad habit and can be replaced with a good one. Take some time and think about how you interact with your wife. Ask her…if she is honest, she will explain to you what your words and actions make her feel like.
Protect Your Wife
What does this thought invoke in you? Are you thinking that you have to protect her against robbers and thieves, or perhaps against any threats that would hurt her? Maybe you make sure she buckles up when in the car. These are all good and a yes, but have you ever considered protecting her against you? Yes, you…her husband, her partner, the one who promised to love and cherish. This includes to protect her against all enemies in your marriage vows.
You remember those right? For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, yes those right there. When you do this consistently you meet the commitment she needs to know that her "knight in shining armour" stands right in front of her no matter what life throws at them.There is a good chance that you’ve never even considered that you could be the one that has caused her so much grief and if this isn't corrected, you could become her enemy. I have found that when you go down this road to becoming the person that hurts her, she is becoming more and more bitter and resentful. You may be a very good husband, and even have wonderful traits, but when you change and your alter ego comes out, it usually means that you are attacking her with very unbecoming behaviors and therefore, this behavior is now the issue that damages a relationship. Instead, love her gently and be intentional when considering what, how, and when you want to have an actual conversation. Men generally don’t mind saying sorry but have a terrible time with the second part. Don’t be prideful or embarrassed guys, make your life better by being better for her.